Dad I love You | A Letter From A Daughter

Your Father Knows What You Need Before You Ask Him.
-Matthew 6:8-

The above quotation reminds me how much I loved by my father which made my siblings jealous. I have lived in many small towns and cities in Uttar Pradesh. My father was in Punjab National Bank, working as a manager. There was a time when he had postings only in rural areas where schooling and tuition were not proper. To have the solution a few times he rented a house for us in different cities and opted to travel to n fro every day.

He always made sure that we study every day with the timetable he created for us. In spite of so many efforts, one point where we always lacked was our English, be it in writing or speaking. He taught us after coming back from the office, found a home tutor as per the area to teach us English, reading a newspaper every day, and remembering 10 words every day. Believe me, that time it looked huge and we always end up getting scolded and beaten up :).

I remember when I and my sister joined a convent school in Faizabad we were not able to mingle with other kids, and the reason was our English. Our writing was good but speaking gave us a hard time. We could not survive in that school and moved to a government school where English was not the main subject.

When I joined coaching for MCA than I really felt the need of speaking English and it's use. I tried hard with all the ways my father taught us and managed to get admission in JNU. This was his proudest moment ever to see his daughter standing in the top position in entrance exams result which were considered to be the toughest one in India. Then I realized how much effort he had put in our upbringing. I still remember that moment and his happy face.

A good father will leave his imprint on his daughter for the rest of her life - Dr James Dobson

After marriage in everyday living, I always felt his presence. His habits, living style, and teaching make me stronger day by day. Really got strengths from him whenever I needed most in adjusting to my new life. He was the one who never said any negative word while I vent out my anger in some situations. Now I feel how strong he was, who loved me unconditionally, no matter what.

My father had a poor background, without his own father earning at a small age made him strong but very tough-minded. He was stubborn in some cases and it was very difficult to make him convinced. He had a vision for everything. What career we should choose, what we should study, how to study, what to wear, what to cook, how to cook, in everything he had opinions and I bet no one was able to beat his logic. So he always won in every argument if we dared to try.

I still say My father was the best father in this world and whatever I am today is because of him. I loved him too much and tagged as his best daughter. People around us really proud of us and we were examples for the rest of the world. He was my pillar and I never imagined my life without him.

It is been around 6 8 years since I have not spoken to him. If they call and I pick they disconnect. If I call them they don't pick. Can not reveal the reasons but it took me four years to overcome this fact that he is no more with me even if he is alive. I felt a cactus tree standing tall but with lots of thorns around it. Though I have accepted this still I crave being with them. They have not seen my daughter who is two years old now. Today is my birthday and I wish to meet them before I die.

Even though I was not at fault I tried every bit of bridging the gap. But no use, finally I gave up and learned to live without them. It has created a void inside me. Now I want to become the grandparent soon to my grandchildren so that I can love them unconditionally. Want to understand how come parents cannot talk to their kids, don't want to meet their grandchildren. What kind of ego or stubborn behavior it is.

As Ram Das quote say We’re all just walking each other home, exactly what is the learning here, still not understood. What we are trying to teach or learn from each other is not understood.

Contributing this post to Corinne's #MondayMusing. I am loving this as I take out my anger, love, frustration whatever it is, and feel free.

As Louise hay say "I set you free and I set myself free".

Comments

bellybytes

January 17, 2018 at 2:55 am

What a pity that your father is holding on to his 'principles'? I can imagine how torn and shattered you must be to have a father who is so unforgiving after being the best father ever while you were growing up. I am glad you are concentrating on being the bigger person and carrying on with your life and aiming to be a better grandparent than he was. It is your father who is missing out....I hope he gets your message and comes back into your life

- code2cook
  
  January 17, 2018 at 10:40 am
  
  Thanks Bellybytes for understanding. I really miss him.

A good father will leave his imprint on his daughter for the rest of her life - Dr James Dobson

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